A Little Utah Humor

You Know You're From Utah If....

1. You go to the duck pond to feed the seagulls.
2. Green Jell-o with cabbage mixed in doesn't seem strange.
3. You can pronounce Tooele.
4. The U is not just a letter... and neither is the Y.
5. You have actually eaten funeral potatoes.
6. You've gotten both heat and frost burns off your car's door handle in the same month!
7. You are not surprised to hear words like "Darn," "Fetch," "Flip," "Oh My Heck," and "Shoot."
8. Your tulips get snowed on three times after they come up and twice more after they bloom.
9. The largest liquor store is the state government.
10. You can go skiing and play golf on the same day.
11. 30% humidity is muggy and almost unbearable.
12. You know the difference between a "steak house" and a "stake house."
13. You've broken down on the highway and somebody stops to help you.
14. You can see the stars at night.
15. You were an aunt or uncle before you were three.
16. You have more children than you can find biblical names for.
17. Your family considers a trip to McDonald's a night out.
18. You feel guilty when you watch Monday Night Football.
19. Your kids believe the deer hunt is a national holiday.
20. You drink Coke from a brown paper bag.
21. At least two of your salad bowls are at the homes of neighbors.
22. There is a similarity between a ward basketball game and the L.A. riots.
23. You think Jack Daniels is a country-western singer.
24. You negotiate prices at a garage sale.
25. You can make Jell-O salad without the recipe.
26. You've heard about BYU football in a testimony meeting.
27. You have two gallons of ice cream in your freezer at all times.
28. Your father-in-law thinks Ronald Reagan was a liberal.
29. A member of your family wrote in Lavell Edwards for president in the last election.
30. Sandals are the best-selling shoes.
31. Hotel rooms all have the Book of Mormon.
32. You buy your wardrobe at the local grocery superstore.
33. You learn about the Mormon Church by taking history in elementary school.
34. You live in a state where Democrats always come in third place, unless a zoo animal is running. Then they come in fourth.
35. Schools stay open, even if two feet of snow falls overnight, but close for the opening of hunting season.
36. People wear shorts and T-shirts if the temperature rises above 32 degrees.
37. People wear socks with their sandals.
38. There is a church on every corner, but they all teach the same thing.
39. The most popular public transportation system is a ski lift.
40. In-state college football rivalries are bigger than the Super Bowl.
41. You don't have to breathe cigarette smoke until you walk outside the building.
42. Every driveway has a mini-van and a pick-up truck.
43. When you buy a new vehicle, cigarette lighters are optional equipment but ski racks are standard.
44. Every time a new family moves into your neighborhood, the local elementary school has to hire a new teacher.
45. Every time a new family moves into your neighborhood, your whole family has to go and meet them the next day, after you helped them unload their moving truck.
46. Your paycheck has an additional 10 percent deduction.
47. More movies are filmed in your town than in Hollywood.
48. You've never had a Mormon missionary knock on your door, unless you are having them over for dinner that night.
49. You make a toast with red punch at your wedding reception.
50. You have more raw wheat stored than some Third World countries.
51. Your idea of a good time is playing Pictionary in the cultural hall.
52. Your idea of a wild party is a six pack of Pepsi and a PG-13 movie.
53. You and all your friends come to your mother for a haircut in her kitchen. [Ed. note/full disclosure: I see nothing odd or provincial about this item. My mother was once a cosmetologist and routinely cut my hair in her kitchen, at least until I stopped cutting my hair.]
54. You measure Kool-Aid by parts per million.
55. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Utah.