The holidays are a little hard on me. This is because of memories long ago about how much Alex enjoyed the season and how he loved to give. I also miss the joy of small children and the excitement in their eyes. Also the excitement I enjoyed as a child waiting for my dad to put up the real Christmas tree. I really miss my parents. I miss the lights that Alex used to put up every year. Even if we put them up now, it would not be the same. Randy has a hard time with Christmas because he was always on the road driving and never got to enjoy any of it. I am hoping now, he will get to enjoy it because he has a family now.
I love the music, but that is even not as enjoyable as it once was. This I believe is because of all the memories (good ones but sad) that I have. I guess because I now realize that life just goes too fast and we lose loved ones. I still love the lights and the music but with a sadness none the less. I like to look at snow but I don't like that fact that it is cold and days are very short. I never have liked the commercialism of the season. It's like all of us have to rush out and buy the best stuff to outdo others and make people happy by what we give or how much we spend. I wish the season would be more peaceful but I find that hard in today's world. I often feel stressed at this time of year. And I find that people EXPECT me to be merry and if I am not, that puts stress on me.
I do enjoy my family of the present and being with them. I am looking forward to Thanksgiving with Tammy and her family at my house and of visiting Jennifer and her family in Seattle for Christmas. So my real joy of the holidays is looking forward to being with my family and just a little sad about the ones who have left me.
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