March 28
Remembering
Today it's getting really close to the 2nd year anniversay of my Alex' death. I am kind of dreading that day. . I have been feeling a little sadder than usual..maybe because I know it's coming and it's still kind of surreal to me.
Everywhere I look, I see his hand in everything around me. The fireplace, the pictures he hung on the wall. His recliner we got him for Christmas. The cat light cover he insisted I have in the bathroom. The dressing table, mirror and chair. In his room, the trinkets, the collectables, the keychains, his piggy banks. I sometimes even imagine I hear his automatic bed moving up and down. Upstairs, more collectables, lighthouses, trucks, cars, doll houses, toys etc; his blueprints in the drawers of plans he had to remodel. In the garage, his tools, paint cans, 8-tracks....the notebooks with his writing.
Outside I see his tractor and can just imagine his riding it along the side of the house. I see his cement mixer, his wheel barrows, his shovels.. I see the sheds he made with his own hands. I see carvings in the cement of the year he put the cement there. The shop where he sat atop and put on the shingles. The empty garden spot which soon will be no more where I would see him stringing lines for the beans to grow on. I would see him hoeing and planting. Getting up when sun came up, his favorite time of day. The picnic table where he used to sit and shuck corn. I can almost smell the chiles he was roasting outside on the grill.
Inside the shop I see his tools, his saws, his routers, his planer, all his woodworking tools. I see his old cars, his motors his hopes and dreams.
Even though these things make me sad, I have very good memories of these things and I will always have these memories and want to keep them with me always. I am glad I can look inside and out and see things that remind me that he did live here and that he left so many things here for us to see and enjoy.
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